HOPE HOPE
All that I ever watch that i ever read that i ever listen to it all just gives me hope.
I am tired of hope I am tired I am tired! I scream with my letters, You don't need to hear me to know I am here. Can't you hear me! this damn silicon has these countless inscriptions coded into memory. It's transferred from deep in my bones, deep in the sinew that keeps me together into the little electricity and back into chemicals that move with great speed back to the sinew that controls these large clunky cells that move through this liquid of air with highest friction to throw and with each movement wear down both the organic material that loses keratin with each keypress.
FUCK
all that I watch all that i read all that I listen to just gives me hope.
And hope is so wonderful but I need a landing pad soon. Please give me a landing pad soon. I don't know how long I can keep throwing myself through this fluid.
How can you live with yourself after having directed something so powerful or written something so beautiful, and now you just live.
How evil are you!
I want to understand what is coming. Oh how wistful. I want a job that can pay the bills, that can let me be a human. I want something substantial. Something that will let me go to work, do a good job, come home, enjoy, have fun,
I don't even know how it works. How would it work. How would you navigate a world without social media. How does that work? without apps. What does that even look like, where do you go. Does life only happen in the day?
No more pacifier. It's time to live and raw dog life.
there was that one fucked up scientist that i think this would feel incomplete with, who tortured the mice by testing learned helplessness.
He was evil. truly evil. Not in the way i used earlier, but genuinely evil. Or at least wanted to see what would happen and he did it, and he did it, and i don't think you can classify people as evil. I think life is lived without an eraser. and you ask yourself, wow, and you really are that knowledgeable now?
anyways he did a learned helplessness experiment and they died.
he put mice in a glass of water and saw and timed how long they would swim for and when they would stop and drown.
then he did one but right before they stopped trying to swim he dried them off let them rest a bit
then he put them in water again and did not save them
and they kept swimming.
thinking they were going to be saved.
and they kept swimming.
isn't that cruel.
They died eventually, but they swam for so much longer than the others probably because they were saved once before.
anyways. note to end on.